Christmas at our house...

The Artist made this candy dish :) He also did a plater and a few other pieces that go with this. I love them all. We thought about giving them away to loved ones for Christmas, but I like them too much :)

The Artist and Bug make tons and tons of snowflakes all season, they are all so beautiful! Bug is getting pretty good at making them too.
I found this lovely bronze figure lounging on the remote control amongst the holiday decor on our shelf. I'm thinking about making her a Santa hat :)

My EMT Santa proudly displayed with a few sculptures :)

Happy Festivus :)

I love Christmas time, and having these two beautiful little girls to call mine makes it all the more special.

I am loving black and white photography right now... It makes the photo feel more classic and sentimental. I just need to remember to adjust my manual settings on my camera so they photo's aren't so pixely :) I'm still learning, but really do enjoy photography.
If I don't update until after Christmas, I hope that my two readers have a great holiday season. I know I will be drinking loads of egg nog, eating all the chocolate my tummy can handle and wrangling my beauties after sugar overload :) I'm venturing out today to buy the Artist something for Christmas, I have no idea what to get him...that's why I haven't bought anything yet. He's hard to buy for. Bug and the Artist are out pricing wood, they are going to build our doggie a dog house for Christmas. It's so great that The Artist involves our girls in creating.

Favorite things (part 2)

Hiking with my cute husband! (this was taken almost 10 years ago) I can't believe how thin we both were.... Arches National Park in February! LOOOOOOOOVE IT, the weather was gorgeous! We celebrated our 10 year anniversary a few years ago there and I've been longing to go back.
That Bug is a big sister! I love being a big sister (and a little sister). Sisters in general are my favorite. I love my two sisters so much!

Boo's one!

I just posted on Facebook that we are selling the baby stuff! Wow, it hurts my heart and frees my soul to say we are done 'having' babies. Now I need to focus on some other passion besides adoption. I feel like I need to find myself all over again, it feels good though. To be completely honest adoption has been beyond awesome, but also the most difficult journey I have EVER been on. I hope that it's changed me for the better, I am so so so so thankful that it's been my miracle and made me a mommy.
I love my girls more than I love anything else in this world. I can't imagine my life with out being a Mommy. I don't know how I got so lucky to be blessed with two miracles, but I will never take that for granted. Love you Boo my big one year old!

Goals vs Dreams

My dreams and goals and currently two seperate things... I'm not quite sure how to combine the two. Here are four of each, there are a lot more...

Dreams:

1. Have a house big enough to fit our family of four comfortable

2. Go on a real vacation

3. Become a really good guitar player

4. Be a Stay at Home Mommy

Goals:

1. Keep the house clean for more than an afternoon...

2. Get more sleep

3. Get The Artist DONE with school

4. Be more patient with those I love

The Artist mentioned the other day that he just wants to be done with school and move on with our life, I agree... but there is so much more to life than just looking to moving on with life. I need to work on living more and not just being.

Keep Life not a schedule :)

Time to keep going
time to move along
time to make it work
time to fix what's broken
I've been counting on my eventuality's....
I've been using the clock to tick the days
ways to that 'ventuality, tick tock, tick tock
Some one's got to bust the block
Time passes by, I can't freeze orbit
Time is a gift,
we shouldn't abuse it.
Time spent being idle, when we've
got to live, got to laugh, need to love
tick tock, tick tock
some one's got to make life, make time
for what you've been given.
Stop listening to the tick tock of the clock
Break free of the day and live the time, make it mine oh all mine.

A few of my favorite things.... (part 1)

In high school I auditioned for a part in Hello Dolly and I sang A few of my favorite things... I'm not much of a singer, but I did get a part :) I small chorus part, but it was still so fun and I learned how to sing and dance at the same time. Anyways... enough random trivia about my past life on to the good stuff the now.

Here are a Few of My favorite things: Christmas, and Christmas Boats!
My One true love! Skipping work and taking a ferry boat ride to see a light house!Yellowstone, The Tetons, Being in nature.The Artist's smoked Ribs!This picture is really worth a thousand of my favorite things, my girls, my girls in the morning with the adorable bedhead, the love that these two chicklings have for each other....
TO BE CONTINUED...

So it begins...again.

Fall Semester starts tomorrow. The feeling isn't really excitement in our home, I'm trying to change that. The Artist is feeling chained to the Provider... I need to let him know that it's OK that I'm playing the role of the provider right now. It's so hard for him to let go of that.

I left him a love note and a note of encouragement. I hope he takes it to heart and really feels that I mean to be by his side through EVERYTHING.

I am also hoping he will be inspired by his Professors to reach higher and dream bigger and just go for it.

The biggest link in our chain now is TIME. We really need more of it. I know I've said it before, but it's hard being out west without anyone to help us. We miss our families and haven't 'replaced' them here. So in a sense we are alone in our big adventure. This is partially our own fault, I am sure there are people in our world that would help us with time if we asked, but we don't ask. We just keep to ourselves, I call it being shy. But I also think it's because we are afraid to let other's into our lives. What would they think of our decision to sacrifice steady income and a 'normal' schedule for a dream? I did it because of love, because I KNOW that The Artist is a true, raw, passionate talent that the world needs, but will other's understand? Would they be willing to be our 'replacement' family and help us raise our girls and be successful? I don't know...

Things are pretty much the same...

and that's o.k. but....


School starts up at the end of this month for The Artist. I wish so much that he could go all out with his projects, but our life isn't simple. He just doesn't have time, or the energy to BE The Artist. It's so frustrating to me, because we really have sacrificed a lot to get this far following passion and faith and now that we are here it's SO HARD. I am not sure how to make things easier. The only thing that would really help would be if I didn't have to work full-time, but that's not an option right now. We need to pay our bills and provide health insurance for our wee ones. So we will keep going and see what our breaking point is. Hopefully we can pull through and The Artist will be able to balance everything. (me too)

(The Artist did this sculpture in school, I'm not sure about all of it, but I do know that he mentioned that it's a self portrait and that sometimes he feels like he has so many thoughts and so much going on he wishes he had a brain drain. I think I'm about at that point too hopefully this blog will help me drain my thoughts) :)

On a lighter subject The Artist let me buy a new storage shelf for the girl's play room, I LOVE IT!!! I've been working on trying to organize our life before everything goes crazy again and this makes me so happy. I've been trying to decide how to get things organized in our tiny little nest and this is for sure helping. Thanks to Bug's pre-school teacher's great advice I've found one solution. Speaking of Pre-school teacher, I love her so much! She is so nice and kind and smart and creative... I want to be like her :) It's good to have role models even as an adult and I pick her, she loves my children and has been a support to me this past year even if she doesn't know it. Yesterday we stopped by to drop off some books that Bug had borrowed and she was so welcoming and it made my heart warm to have a friend. Sometimes it gets lonely just having friends at work and of course The Artist is my best friend, but we really don't get much time together either, I miss him too.

Still stuck in Eventually

Well, The Artist didn't get the job, big bummer. O'well we are ok, we will just keep doing what we do and keep patients and hope that eventually something secure will fall into place.

I've always had a hard time being patient...

I know that there are physical reasons why we can't have biological children, but I've often wondered what the spiritual reasons (if any) are. One thing instantly pops into my mind every time someone ask's me how long we 'waited' for our girls... we had to be patient, and we had to endure. We started fertility treatments in 2002 and were placed with Bug 2006, we moved, lost jobs, went back to school and started from scrated after that and were placed with Boo late 2009. So that's 7 (almost 8) years of family building for 2 (adorable) children. When if we could of we would of spaced our kids around 2 years apart and we could of had FOUR kids by now... crazy. Was it worth it, yes my girls are adorable and wonderful. Was it hard YES! I'm so glad that we had such positive outcomes with our two adoptions.

I have to admit it still stings a little when I hear of a friend or family member that is expecting a baby biologically. I do want that, but Heavenly father had other 'things' planned for me. On another note, living in the hub of Mormon culture it is SO HARD being infertile, being a working mother, being me. Thankfully, I have a loving husband that is so PATIENT with me :) Another gift The Artist has that I don't.

Below are some excerps from Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk Continue in Patience. That hit really close to my heart, infact a lot of it is a sure shot deep into me.

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter....

Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed....

Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer....Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

("Then by Chains" Graphite on Paper 18"x24")

Waiting for my girls was a trial and it really taught me patients and how to endure trials by working and hoping and keeping a positive outlook on the earthly unknowns in life. Now that our family is complete (for now) my patients is being attacked again... The Artist applied for a job! But.... so did 80 other applicants. I know that even if he doesn't get this job, things will work out we will just keeping doing what we are doing, but my heart just beats a little (ok a lot) harder when I think of the possibilities that my eventuallys in life might become a little closer than we think. So I am praying tonight that the individuals who interviewed The Artist today will be touched by my great patients and HIRE HIM :)

First real gig!

So in keeping with my theme this year of trying to be more creative, I'm trying to improve my photography skills. My friend was mentioning that she wanting family pictures, but photographers are so expensive, so I offered to do them for her. I need the practice and she needed a good deal :) You can't get any better than FREE :)

This little guy was ADORABLE! I wish I would of taken more pictures of just him, maybe next time :) I really love taking pics of children...they are so sweet and full of life.

I think they turned out pretty good, and really you can't take a bad picture with such beautiful people to photograph.

Around the house...

There is art everywhere! It is so neat to have original art displayed in my home. Oil painting of Bug, done about 2 years ago... still need to frame it and now The Artist needs to do one of Boo. I am hoping to hang them in their room.

Banana! :) It usually sits on our kitchen table :)

Bookshelf doesn't have many books on it... mostly sculptures and board games.
This piece is one of my favorites. We used to keep our blankets in that corner, but when I saw this sitting in the garage I found a new home for the wubbies and moved this one in. The Artist explained this sculpture a little bit to me. Basically it has a few ancient symbols in it (the stone and steel) and it is representing a watch tower, or sentinel. I like the idea of having a watch tower in my home. This sculpture is also pretty cool, I like the organic materials that The Artist uses...

At Peace, finally...

Last Friday was comparable to Christmas morning for me! I was so anxious, and so very excited to have Boo sealed to our family forever. She is and will always be an intricate part of our family dynamics. She is just so sweet! Little Boo is finally ours and I just can't get over it. :)

Before we were selected to be Boo's adoptive parents, I finally, after 3 years of 'waiting' had come to a place were I was ok with just having Bug. I felt blessed to be able to have her call me mommy and my heart was at ease with family building. But... just when you get comfortable, or think you are comfortable as an infertile woman someone you know becomes pregnant, or is blessed by adoption and it brings ALL of those insecurities and longings back to the surface. So I think I told people that I was ok with just one, but I really wasn't. I longed to have another baby in my arms and I really wanted Bug to have a sibling.

When Boo's birthmother first contacted us I began to feel HOPE again. I couldn't believe that we could be so lucky to be blessed by adoption again! I am still in amazement of the great gift that both of my daughters are to me. I really would not be the person I am today without them. I thank God EVERY day (multiple times) for their birthmother's love and Heavenly Father's grace. I am a mother because of unconditional love. I am pretty lucky :)

Now I can honestly say that I am so happy with having two children. I am in love with both of my girls and can't give them enough kisses and tickles. My heart is full, the emptiness and longing to have another is gone. My soul is at peace...

My Tiny toes...

How I love these little feet! We've worked so hard on getting them into our home, and after today it's all legal! We finalized little boo's adoption today in court!

Dig deeper...

I've been trying to dig deeper into my heart, into my spirt. Lately my life is just that life no real bursts of excitment, no depths of despair. To some this may seem good, and it is my life has been simply good. But I want more, more for myself, I want my daughters to know ME.

Where's my cooking Spray?

Oh, The Artist stole it :) He had to use it for a release agent on a sculpture he's working on... hmmmm nothing like plaster and butter flavored cooking spray.

My anonymous family and my randomness...

I really would like to keep this blog anonymous... but I thought I should introduce the loves of my life.
First is my talented hubby, he is The Artist. He is a really wonderful man, a really good father that is so patient with our little bug and boo. He changes diapers, cooks and does 'crafts' :)

Second is our family dog. She really filled the void in my heart when we were going through infertility. Sometimes I refer to her as my first adopted child :)

Third is Bug, she is 4 years old and soooooooooo smart and beautiful! I always say that she really could rule the world. She says and does the funniest things.

Fourth is our newest addition little Boo. She is a calm mellow baby that we all adore and are soooooo grateful for her. I live for her laughs and smiles.

Both of our children are adopted and we thank God every day for them.

Lastly is me... I like to think I'm low maintenance and easy going. But usually I am pretty anxious about life in general. I put on a good face, though.
These are the people (and pet) that I LOVE and would do ANYTHING for. They really are the reason for my happiness.
On to the Randomness (ADHD?)
I love photography and it is starting to become my hobby. I haven't really had a lot of hobbies, I love that I can capture a moment and it's mine to keep. I like to think that I am somehow capturing my girls and saving some of the childhood in the picture. Blogging of course is a hobby of mine and I hope to share some fun times on here. I've been thinking a lot that I need some form of therapy to express myself and my emotions with how my life is playing out. It's defiantly not what I expected, but still really cool and boy have I grown as an individual. I would not of thought that when I said I do to The Artist, we would be where we are now eleven years later. I am glad with how things have just simply worked out for us. We are so lucky to own our home and for The Artist to work on his career and schooling. In some ways I feel like Heavenly Father has played a big role with influencing my husband to go back to his art. Now we just need to find The Artist a job :) :) So we can see each other. Right now our schedules are so opposite we rarely see one another. I work afternoons/nights he works mornings and does school in the afternoon/mornings so that we don't have to place our girls into childcare.
My One request
Pray for a job with the University for The Artist so he can work on his masters at his own pace, and so we can get more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Right now I think this is our biggest struggle, the no sleep thing. In time.... eventually....someday... keep praying....the end...

Be Creative All the Time!

I'm totally entering a new era in my life, I like to call it my creative mid-life crisis :) At least I have a spiritual leader to back up my insanity.

Are paintbrushes dishwasher safe?

My reality today... I just loaded a couple of paintbrushes into the dishwasher. They've been sitting on the counter for a few days, and well... I got tired of looking at them. There is also a power drill, leather gloves and chapstick on the counter they wouldn't fit into the dishwasher :)

How The Wife saved The Artist

The artist has always been creative and this is one of the reasons I fell deeply in love with him. But it seemed after we were married his desire to create got put on the back burner and he shifted to be the provider. I often told him that I missed the artist in him and encouraged him to start again, but alas life swept us away into simple married folk. I did enjoy those years of being my husbands one and only lover, but I could tell my husband wasn't whole anymore.
We were married for 9 years until the spark came back. The artist and the provider were battling it out inside my dear husbands head, it was a constant internal struggle for him. He needs to be creative to really be happy. I decided to take matters into my own hands and gently and maybe a little subliminally guided The Artist to emerge once again. This was not an easy task... I had to make the decision to sacrifice my dreams of being able to stay at home full time with our children... the wife of an artist took on the role of the provider. It also helped that the economy sucks and my husband was laid off from his career. One good thing did happen because of the crappy economy... The artist emerged from the darkness and is slowly bringing more joy, more love, more fulfilment to our lives. In September of 2008 the artist applied at the local university for their Studio Art Program. Before applying he went and met with the director of the program and was invited into the program without applying. (he really is that talented) and now we are living life as poor college students while in our 30's. It is not easy, most of the time we are tired, but I look forward to what the future holds for us and what The Artist can give to the world. I like to think that I am a little part of every piece that The Artist creates if not for me, he would still be hidden in the depths of my husbands soul.

The Wife's Creative Project....

Over the years of my marriage to The Artist I've gotten to see my creative genius husband realize his potential to the universe and what his gifts can bring to mankind. My husband is so gifted and well, I'm just me. I've been blogging on our family blog for 6 years and thought I would create an outlet that I can master and type out all my inner creative thoughts.
It is unique living with an artist and quite the adventure being married and raising a family with one. I thought it would be fun to share my own reality for the world to read. I hope you will enjoy my world with me, I am The Artist's Other Lover AKA The Artist's wife.